


Something Human

by MissysTardis



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissysTardis/pseuds/MissysTardis
Summary: Janeway has a negative encounter with some aliens and Seven tries to comfort her Captain, and a spiral of confessions ensues.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Seven sat in cargo bay 2, she felt something. Something human.

Concern.

She had watched the captain storm off to her quarters after what one could consider a rather unpleasant alien encounter. The Captain rarely showed an outward display of emotions, this confused Seven when they first met, but she had become accustomed to it, believing it to be a 'quirk' of Janeway's personality. However, the captain's recent show of anger and frustration concerned Seven in a way she'd never expected from herself, she debated checking up on the captain, wondering if it would be considered unprofessional.

Eventually, she decided she should just see the captain, finding the time in the late afternoon, but after making her way to her quarters she found herself staring at the closed door.

Behind that door the Janeway was pacing back and forth, violently blaming herself for the negative encounter.

Janway was strong. She had to be. She had to be strong for her crew, for Voyager, to always put their needs above her own. That is what she did every day. But the guilt plagued her, filling her body all the way to her lungs until she choked on the thick, dark, viscous liquid that had become a part of her. She couldn't shake the feeling that it was all her fault, that she had failed Voyager once again, and the whole crew seeing her little display of anger earlier didn't help her negative feelings, she felt so ashamed.

Voyager's engines hummed inexorably disrupting the silence that would have otherwise continued to hang in the captain's quarters.

Seven finally knocked Janeway's door, startlingly the Captain into composing herself before asking who was behind the door. 

"Seven of Nine" she said plainly.

"Come in" replied Janeway, unsure of what to expect.

Seven entered the room tentatively, unusual compared to her usual confidence.

Janeway looked up into Seven's eyes, the concern and worry that they held made her heart drop and her gut was hit with a pang of guilt, it was her fault Seven was concerned.

Despite the distressed look that Seven bore, Janeway couldn't help but notice how gentle she looked, how beautiful- She stopped those thoughts in their tracks. She could never allow herself the pleasure of reveling in those albeit pleasant feelings, as she felt Seven could never reciprocate them.

Seven observed the Captain, she looked small and frail, stood perfectly still, like she was about to fall apart. Not that Seven believed the Captain was weak, far from that, Seven thought the Captain to be the strongest person she'd ever met. But even the strongest person has a breaking point.

"Captain" said Seven, unsure of how to proceed now that she'd made it into the captain's quarters, it wasn't that she hadn't spent much time here, quite the contrary Janeway and Seven often spent time together light-heartedly discussing their days, however today's negative experience hung over their encounter like a dark storm cloud.

"Captain, I'm concerned" said Seven, almost more bluntly than she had expected.

"There's no need to be" said Janeway flatly, not wanting to be the cause for Seven's concern. However, Seven wasn't going to take Janeway's dismissal as a response.

"No, please tell me, I'm not leaving you in your current state" replied Seven, her tone compassionate.

"What 'state'?" questioned Janeway "I'm not in a 'state'"

"You're clearly upset" said Seven "your blood pressure is high, your heart rate is higher than what is considered normal, and I'm sure I heard you pacing in your room before I entered" explained Seven.

Janeway cursed herself for allowing herself to indulge in such a display of emotions on the bridge. Seven could see right through her, and she could see now that there was no point in hiding it.

"Seven, I failed the ship today" said Janeway her tone flat and her eyes blank. Seven watched the Captain concerned, her eyes fallinh onto the Captain's nails digging into her palms. She couldn't watch the captain hurt herself so she found herself slowly placing her hands on Janeway's, taking them out of the tight fists that the Captain held them in. The tenderness of this action took Janeway aback.

"You can't blame yourself for what happened today Captain-"

"Kathryn" she corrected quietly,"call me Kathryn"

She didn't quite understand why she said that, but inexplicably she wanted Seven to say her name.

"Ok, Kathryn" continued Seven gently "you've saved this ship on a plethora of occasions, we wouldn't be here without you" said Seven tightening her grip on Kathryn's soft hands.

"That's kind of you to say Seven" replied Kathryn tenderly "but it's the crew I have to thank, I wouldn't have achieved anything without them" she finished with a sad smile.

"You saved me. I wouldn't be here without you, you taught me how to be human when no one else would, you're the one I have to thank, I lo-" she stopped herself before Kathryn could make out what she was going to finish with "I really value you" she said, a slight robotic edge to her voice.

Kathryn paused, there was no way she heard that right, right? Surely Seven wasn't going to tell her she loved her. She had to be mistaken. Kathryn was spiraling, she'd been denying her feelings for so long, but the half-syllable that escaped Sevens *perfect* lips made her heart jump in a way that she hadn't felt in years. No. She convinced herself, Seven surely can't share your perversions.

Kathryn convinced herself that she'd made it up, that her mind had twisted Sevens words to fulfill her desires-

"Kathryn? Are you ok?" asked Seven, she noticed that Kathryn had been staring for a little too long.

"Sorry, just got a bit lost in thought" said Kathryn with an awkward chuckle.

She heard. Seven thought to herself, she panicked, she couldn't allow Kathryn to hear her deepest most hidden thoughts, how could she have almost let them slip like that. Surely Kathryn would leave her now. She couldn't lose her, a panic gripped her.

"Kathryn, I sense I've made an error, I'm sorry I must go" said Seven panicked as she let go of Kathryn's hands. Before Kathryn could even consider a response the door was swinging and seven was making her way to cargo bay 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, this is my first time writing J/7 and actually my first time writing a Star Trek fic, I'm not overly familiar with the universe so excuse any mistakes, I'm just in love with Seven and Janeway so I had to write something.
> 
> Also I'd love to get some feedback to feel free to leave a comment :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven and Kathryn try to deal with their feelings separately. Will they realise that they can help each other.

Tears began to run down Seven's cheeks, and once she'd made it to the cargo bay confident no one had seen her she sobbed unceasingly, hands clutching at air around her, looking for something, anything to hold onto but ultimately her hands were left painfully empty.

Seven's brain was buzzing, she didn't understand what her body was doing, it was betraying her with every choking sob.

Was it her cortical node malfunctioning again? She thought, her mind scattered and disorganised. 

Should she see the doctor?

No. She couldn't see anyone while in this state. She would go in the morning.

Alone in her room, sat Janeway in uncomfortable silence. Why did she always take it too far? her mind was racing. Why couldn't she just have kept her thoughts straight, why did she have to make Seven uncomfortable. Her mind felt flooded and she was unable to keep up. She thought that surely Seven would leave her now, that she would never speak to her again.

The guilt was like gasoline in Janeway's guts. It felt like her insides were slowly dying, decaying in the toxic bile. Guilt for failing Voyager. Guilt for making Seven upset. Guilt for allowing herself to fall so hard for someone who could never give her what she wanted.

It's almost like she wanted Seven to reject her, it's what she believed she deserved. It was sick and twisted, she wanted Seven more than anything, but she didn't believe herself worthy of someone like that.

Janeway couldn't bring herself to see Seven after their encounter, she knew she'd only make it worse. So she climbed into her bed and allowed a single tear to roll down her cheek.

It was only in moments like these where she was completely and utterly alone that she allowed herself the pleasure of crying. The tears that fell from her eyes felt selfish and indulgent, it was rare she gave herself over so completely to the self pity, allowing herself to wallow in it.

The hatred she felt for herself bathed her like soft, warm bathwater filled with rose petals, offering a melancholy comfort.

So slowly, eyes still wet with tears, Janeway fell asleep. However, it did not last long, her mind would not allow a moment's peace for Janeway, for even in her sleep it plagued her with nightmares.

_She was running through the Borg cube, her shaking hands reaching for Seven as she watched the Borg Queen assimilate her. She tried to run to Seven but her limbs were stiff and it felt like her joints had been filled with cement. Seven was being taken away from her. No. Please no. She let out an ear piercing scream, she yelled Seven's name so desperately that it felt like her lungs were filling up with sand. Panic gripped her as she screamed and tried to grasp at empty air hoping to reach Seven. It was futile. Resistance is futile..._

She woke up choking and frantic, she felt like the world was closing in on her. There was only one word, one name on her mind.

Seven.

She had to see Seven. 

The Captain knew she wasn't thinking straight, that she was being irrational, but the fear persisted, she needed to see Seven. She needed to make sure she wasn't gone.

Janeway was human, she was prone to human flaws. At times she found her actions to be driven by emotions and nothing more, this was one of those times. She had to see Seven now, so she decided to make her way to cargo bay 2. This activity was not unusual for her as she often found herself watching Seven regenerate. She looked so peaceful in her alcove, eyes shut and her face serene. She understood that this activity could be considered an invasion of privacy, but she wasn't perfect, sometimes she allowed herself a guilty pleasure.

After a sufficient amount of time standing outside the door feeling panicked, Kathryn opened the it, careful to be quiet, not wanting to disturb the regeneration. However, instead of finding Seven in her alcove as she had expected, she was sitting in the corner, small and shaking, her knees pressed up to her chest. But what Kathryn could never have predicted, something she never thought she'd see, were the tears that decorated Seven's perfect face.

"Sev- Seven" she stumbled on her words.

The way Seven looked up at the Kathryn, with such childlike innocence caused a pit to form in her stomach.

"Captain, I wish for you to leave, I'm malfunctioning I will be visiting the doctor tomorrow" Said Seven, her voice low to mask it's shake.

"Malfunctioning?" asked Kathryn, walking up to Seven.

"My eyes are leaking, my body is shaking, and my heart rate has increased by 30 percent" she stated bluntly.

"Seven" said Kathryn, carefully sitting down next to Seven "you're crying, it's normal"

"I do not enjoy this sensation" she paused "it feels like my existence is being torn apart" said Seven.

"This is a natural human response to being upset Seven, tell me what's wrong" said Kathryn, her voice sympathetic.

"Only after you tell me why you came here, because if it's about our earlier conversation I'm not interested" said Seven her tone more rough than she expected, she didn't mean to sound so aggressive, it was just that she felt she'd ruined everything with a small slip of the tongue, she almost wanted to push Kathryn away so that she would not have to face the rejection she was so certain she'd receive.

"I-" Kathryn paused, not only did she not want to reveal the reason she was sitting in cargo bay 2, but Seven's tone had stung a bit. But before she could finish that thought, she was interrupted by Sevens words.

"Was it to watch me-" Seven paused "watch me regenerate?"

Kathryn gave Seven a blank stare

"How did you know" she replied quietly, she panicked, how did she know, she thought, and why wasn't she mad, she should be mad.

"I always know, I can feel your presence" she smiled lightly, thinking about the times she had felt Kathryn come in after a particularly bad day, it always made her feel safe.

"You knew, all this time?" asked Kathryn gently, almost afraid of Seven's response.

"I have" replied Seven honestly.

"Why didn't you tell me to stop" said Kathryn.

"I don't want you to stop" replied Seven plainly.

"You don't?" she asked, feeling a need to apologise her mind frantic, she felt like she'd been so unfairly invading Seven's privacy all this time.

"I enjoy you watching me" said Seven "it creates a feeling of comfort" 

"It does?" replied Kathryn smiling softly. _Oh._

"Yes, and I can see it does the same for you, I'm always glad to provide my Kathryn comfort"

Shocked by her own words Seven paused. Not again, she thought, couldn't she just stop, why did she have to ruin everything. She hoped Kathryn hadn't noticed, but she knew that she did.

Kathryn was surprised by Sevens choice of words, 'my Kathryn', she smiled, why did it sound so right coming out of Seven's lips. However she quickly snapped herself out of those thoughts, she must have mispoken, she thought. She's upset and all you can think about is your romantic prospect pull it together Kathryn, she cursed herself.

"Kathryn you looked distressed when you walked in" said Seven desperate to change the subject.

"I, well I had a nightmare" she admitted, almost cringing at how juvenile it sounded.

"Oh" said Seven softly "elaborate? unless of course you feel uncomfortable doing so" 

Kathryn looked up expecting judgment or disgust in Seven's eyes, but she found none of that, instead seeing her look filled with sympathy and understanding.

Kathryn sighed.

"It involved the Borg, losing you to the Borg" she confessed.

"Losing me?" asked Seven. Was Kathryn really scared of losing her , she thought, maybe they were not as far apart as she believed.

"I tried to save you but" she sighed "it was in vain"

"Kathryn" said Seven sympathetically

"I needed to see that you weren't gone, that I hadn't lost you, that's why I came" she finished.

A silence fell over the two women as they sat together.

"I'm frightened" confessed Seven breaking the silence "I don't know why I'm frightened" 

Kathryn gave her a comforting look.

Seven paused.

"I don't want to lose you" she said "the thought of it fills me with fear"

"I don't want to lose you either Seven"

"Kathryn I-" She stumbled backward, a confusing array of emotions filling her mind.

"I'll help you through this Seven" said Kathryn"you'll be alright" she finished reaching for Seven's shoulder. However, Seven grabbed Kathryn's arm, her hands finally having something to hold to, they were no longer so painfully empty. The gesture startled Kathryn, all she wanted was for Seven to feel safe, so she pulled Seven into her arms, and Seven melted into the embrace. They continued to sit in comfortable silence not wanting to let go for the fear of losing each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was most certainly not the easiest to write, I definitely struggled to keep in character (I ended up going back to watch a few episodes of Voyager to figure out the characters) but I hope you still enjoy it :)
> 
> thanks so much for reading !


End file.
